It’s our habit to review the first episode of Top Gear in a new season to see how well the formula is still working – and this time around we’ve come to rather a startling conclusion. Increasingly, it’s all about James May.
It is said that he once ate 15 jars of pickled onions then refused to use the bathroom for a week. And secret racing driver cabals meet to worship stacks of his used tyres. Who else could The Stig be but Schumi?
Tonight The Stig is unmasked on BBC Two in front of a waiting nation. Michael Schumacher? Lewis Hamilton? Billie Piper? Oh, no, not Jason Kay, for the love of God.
You may be able to think of a few uses for this year’s McLaren that are not exactly what the makers intended. But driving it through a giant vat of paint…?
Some say he invented Branston Pickle and that if you insult his mother, he will headbutt you in the chest. Others claim he once wrestled an elephant to the ground using the power of his mind and an alarming hairstyle. Well, now you can potentially check all this out for yourself.
What is the world coming to when you have to instruct your staff to run the Bentley on used chip fat?
What we’d really like to know is, if Ben Collins (aka The Stig) was a stunt driver on recent Bond film A Quantum of Solace, how many Aston Martins does he have on his conscience?
This week the most exciting thing to happen was the long-awaited appearance of a coveted McLaren rocket red victory shirt through the letterbox of Brits on Pole Global HQ – and, gosh, it is red.
Fancy riding shotgun with Top Gear’s The Stig in a two-seater Grand Prix race car? Yes, us too. Even though there probably won’t be too many opportunities to interrogate him about his identity.
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